Rick McQuiston
Chad thumbed through the phone book until he reached C. Carpet cleaning was his destination due to the dog watering his front room.
Clean-n-Fresh, Suds-o-Us, Jerry’s Kill the Spill Inc., Distain the Stain Services... Chad’s eyes roamed over the prospective companies, noting how colorful the ads were. Each offered its name and phone number as well as a short sales pitch or catchy slogan.
Within a few minutes, Chad reached the end of the advertisements for carpet cleaners, and made several notes on the best looking ones. Page 142 had a few that were good, as did page 149.
As he began to think about which ones to call first something caught his eye.
Bee’s Carnivore Services. Bloody Meat Eaters Corp., Bone Crunching and Gristle Packaging. Chad quickly scrutinized two of the nastier ones.
The first, from a company called Blood under Bone, featured an oversize man running for his life from a psychotic looking-character wielding two enormous sabers. The would-be killer was covered in blood and was grinning from ear to ear.
The second ad displayed a man’s bloody torso, complete with dangling entrails, with knives and forks protruding from it. The slogan ‘Yum, yum. Eatum up!’ was written across the top.
Feeling his stomach starting to churn, Chad instinctively reached for a cigarette. He suppressed his guilt over lighting up as the cool, pungent smoke drifted upwards.
“Hey Liz? Would you come here for a minute?”
Elizabeth, his slightly neurotic wife of nine years, sauntered into the room. Her eyes reflected the boredom of her day.
“What’s the matter?”
“Look here,” Chad said. He pointed to the Yellow Pages.
Elizabeth sluggishly glanced down at page 140. Her eyes widened.
“Are those the only ads like that?” Elizabeth questioned with a hint of suspicion in her voice.
“I don’t know. I didn’t really check,” Chad replied while thumbing through the book. He flipped ahead to M.
Machinery…masonry…monsters?
There, on page 352, staring up at the astonished couple, were close to a dozen ads for monsters, listed in alphabetical order from apparitions to zombies.
Bloody Services, Sterling Creatures Inc., Fangs-n-Thangs.
Thinking of another heading Chad quickly flipped back to D.
Delivery services…demolition…demons!
Any size demon. Specializing in demon princes and lords. Long fanged, short fanged…
S. Sea monsters. All makes and models. Sale on kraken. Discount coupons available for man-eaters over twenty-five feet.
W. Witches. Bag a Hag, Curses Inc., Broomsticks and Candlewicks.
V. Vampires. Drain City Central. You’ve got the blood, we’ve got the teeth.
Elizabeth’s face lost all its color. “Is this some sort of joke?” she asked through a frown.
“Where did this book come from?” Chad blurted out.
Elizabeth shrugged. “I don’t know. It was just on the porch one day. Isn’t that how they deliver phone books?”
Feeling a knot forming in his stomach Chad remarked, “Is it just me or is it getting warm in here?”
Elizabeth didn’t reply, but her expression confirmed what Chad was thinking.
It was getting warmer…much warmer.
The heavy knock on the front door sliced into the silence. Chad looked over at his wife and both of them looked over to the door.
It was beginning to crack around the edges. Thin plumes of black smoke were leaking in around it and the carpet near it was starting to become singed. Chad finally worked up the nerve to walk over to the door, and just as he was about to reach for the knob, a putrid stench seeped into the house, one that was an overpowering aroma of burnt meat and decayed flesh.
The knocking increased dramatically. Chad had no choice but to use his shirt to grasp the doorknob and open the door. With one swift motion they were greeted with a nightmare right out of a horror movie.
The eight-foot-tall creature on the front porch loomed over them. It had a grotesque goat’s head and stood on huge cloven hooves. In one of its clawed hands it held a bloodstained pitchfork and in the other a smoldering book.
“Pardon me puny mortal,” it boomed in a voice that shook the house. “But I believe there has been a mistake.”
Chad thumbed through the phone book until he reached C. Carpet cleaning was his destination due to the dog watering his front room.
Clean-n-Fresh, Suds-o-Us, Jerry’s Kill the Spill Inc., Distain the Stain Services... Chad’s eyes roamed over the prospective companies, noting how colorful the ads were. Each offered its name and phone number as well as a short sales pitch or catchy slogan.
Within a few minutes, Chad reached the end of the advertisements for carpet cleaners, and made several notes on the best looking ones. Page 142 had a few that were good, as did page 149.
As he began to think about which ones to call first something caught his eye.
Bee’s Carnivore Services. Bloody Meat Eaters Corp., Bone Crunching and Gristle Packaging. Chad quickly scrutinized two of the nastier ones.
The first, from a company called Blood under Bone, featured an oversize man running for his life from a psychotic looking-character wielding two enormous sabers. The would-be killer was covered in blood and was grinning from ear to ear.
The second ad displayed a man’s bloody torso, complete with dangling entrails, with knives and forks protruding from it. The slogan ‘Yum, yum. Eatum up!’ was written across the top.
Feeling his stomach starting to churn, Chad instinctively reached for a cigarette. He suppressed his guilt over lighting up as the cool, pungent smoke drifted upwards.
“Hey Liz? Would you come here for a minute?”
Elizabeth, his slightly neurotic wife of nine years, sauntered into the room. Her eyes reflected the boredom of her day.
“What’s the matter?”
“Look here,” Chad said. He pointed to the Yellow Pages.
Elizabeth sluggishly glanced down at page 140. Her eyes widened.
“Are those the only ads like that?” Elizabeth questioned with a hint of suspicion in her voice.
“I don’t know. I didn’t really check,” Chad replied while thumbing through the book. He flipped ahead to M.
Machinery…masonry…monsters?
There, on page 352, staring up at the astonished couple, were close to a dozen ads for monsters, listed in alphabetical order from apparitions to zombies.
Bloody Services, Sterling Creatures Inc., Fangs-n-Thangs.
Thinking of another heading Chad quickly flipped back to D.
Delivery services…demolition…demons!
Any size demon. Specializing in demon princes and lords. Long fanged, short fanged…
S. Sea monsters. All makes and models. Sale on kraken. Discount coupons available for man-eaters over twenty-five feet.
W. Witches. Bag a Hag, Curses Inc., Broomsticks and Candlewicks.
V. Vampires. Drain City Central. You’ve got the blood, we’ve got the teeth.
Elizabeth’s face lost all its color. “Is this some sort of joke?” she asked through a frown.
“Where did this book come from?” Chad blurted out.
Elizabeth shrugged. “I don’t know. It was just on the porch one day. Isn’t that how they deliver phone books?”
Feeling a knot forming in his stomach Chad remarked, “Is it just me or is it getting warm in here?”
Elizabeth didn’t reply, but her expression confirmed what Chad was thinking.
It was getting warmer…much warmer.
The heavy knock on the front door sliced into the silence. Chad looked over at his wife and both of them looked over to the door.
It was beginning to crack around the edges. Thin plumes of black smoke were leaking in around it and the carpet near it was starting to become singed. Chad finally worked up the nerve to walk over to the door, and just as he was about to reach for the knob, a putrid stench seeped into the house, one that was an overpowering aroma of burnt meat and decayed flesh.
The knocking increased dramatically. Chad had no choice but to use his shirt to grasp the doorknob and open the door. With one swift motion they were greeted with a nightmare right out of a horror movie.
The eight-foot-tall creature on the front porch loomed over them. It had a grotesque goat’s head and stood on huge cloven hooves. In one of its clawed hands it held a bloodstained pitchfork and in the other a smoldering book.
“Pardon me puny mortal,” it boomed in a voice that shook the house. “But I believe there has been a mistake.”
__________
Rick McQuiston is a forty-one year old father of two who loves anything horror related. He has had nearly 200 publications so far and edits the ezine, Many Midnights. Rick has published four collections of short stories, Many Midnights, Chills by Candlelight, Beneath the Moonlight, and As Mean as the Night. They are available on Lulu and Amazon.
Posts
