Foreplay

by J. J. Steinfeld

During his retirement party, the math teacher was talking to the attractive science teacher, and she told him about her dream of having sex with an adorable visitor from a recently discovered planet. Drink in hand, he told her that two days after a Saturday double-feature matinee, enthralled by The Attack of the 50-Foot Woman and The Incredible Shrinking Man, he sat in elementary-school class and wondered aloud what would happen if the Amazing 50-Foot Woman went out on a date with the Incredible Shrinking Man but the teacher kicked him out as if he had drawn the Amazing Woman and the Incredible Man naked in his notebook, passing it on to every student in that long-ago class, completely warping their expectations of lovemaking for a lifetime to come. Then the science teacher, finishing her third drink, asked the math teacher, “If I were a sexy space alien, would you go to bed with me?" In his excitement, nostalgic film musings, and incipient drunkenness, the math teacher failed to notice the tiny tentacles that were emerging from the back of the science teacher’s long, lovely neck.

__________

Canadian fiction writer, poet, and playwright J. J. Steinfeld lives hidden away on Prince Edward Island. He has published two novels, Our Hero in the Cradle of Confederation (Pottersfield Press) and Word Burials (Crossing Chaos Enigmatic Ink), nine short story collections, the previous three by Gaspereau Press — Should the Word Hell Be Capitalized?, Anton Chekhov Was Never in Charlottetown, and Would You Hide Me? — and two poetry collections, An Affection for Precipices (Serengeti Press) and Misshapenness (Ekstasis Editions). His short stories and poems have appeared in numerous anthologies and periodicals internationally, and over forty of his one-act and full-length plays have been performed in Canada and the United States.